If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
