I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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