why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize