so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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