shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
