He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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