3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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