i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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