haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
