I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Randomize
