I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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