You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
