How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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