you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
