I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
