Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
