dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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