so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
