Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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