i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
