This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
