I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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