i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
