My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
