i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
