return my video game
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Randomize