i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
