last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
