You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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