Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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