Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
