chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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