Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
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