you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
