Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
