this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
