someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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