I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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