if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
