i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
We named our party play list daddy issues
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
