You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
