i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Randomize
