i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Randomize
