New invention idea: vibrating tampons
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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