Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Randomize
