i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
