I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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