There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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