So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
it's like iHOP with fire
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
