I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
