I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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