It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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