I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
