He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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