If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
