Porn is love you can see.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just cropdusted the office
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
