get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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