I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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