We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
