I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Actions speak louder than pants.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
