I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
pray to the hookup gods
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
