ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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