I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i think im in europe. pls send help
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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